Your first walk up Fordham Road scared the shit out of you.

You can’t really remember a single Spring Weekend.

You consider Dagger John’s to be fine dining.

You know all the lines to A Bronx Tale by heart.

You’ve hooked up during or after a visit to Alumni Hall.

You’ve ridden in a Gypsy Cab.

You get all of your relationship advice with Jimmy from the Menu in Motion in the Cafeteria.

You can name at least 4 types of malt liquor.

You’ve snuck into the parent appreciation dinner and gotten drunk at the open bar.

You think that White Castle makes the best burgers in the city.

You have been robbed at gunpoint.

You know you’re really smarter than the students at Columbia and NYU; they just try harder.

You’ve heard somebody utter the phrase “I wish Clarke’s was still open.”

You’ve seen Sal bang the gong at Pugsley’s

You’ve gotten screwed over at least once in the housing lottery.

You’ve heard the Fordham has a hockey team but don’t know where they play or anything about them.

You'd rather stand in the freezing cold at the bus station for 20 minutes than walk the 5 blocks to the D train station.

You have pulled the fire alarm or made a girl pretend she was really drunk to sneak her into your room.

You’ve puked on the Ram Van.

You truly believe that next year at least one of the athletic teams has to have a winning record. Don’t they?

You feel you have a close personal friendship with Zoots, the fat bouncer at Mugzee’s.

You haven’t had a Friday class since freshman year.

You take a taxi to Tinker’s because it is just too far to walk.

You consider any class that starts before noon to be too early.

Your freshman year Philosophy teacher seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.

You’re on a first name basis with Victor.

One of your favorite hobbies is trying to break into underground tunnels.

Every year you get a fine for room damage even though your room looks exactly the same as when you moved in.

You’ve noticed a surprising number of Jesuits drinking and dancing with female students at University sponsored events.

You’ve shown up to Lola-No-Booza drunk off your ass.

You know that Jubilee weekend is the biggest party of the year at Fordham.

You’ve realized you didn’t learn a single piece of useful information in any of your core curriculum classes.

Search lights from NYPD helicopters don’t faze you.

You consider freshly baked bread stolen off the back of an Arthur Avenue truck to be a great snack.

You have come to expect free wine with your Chinese food and are severely disappointed if you don’t get it.

You hop from Mugzee’s to Upper Deck to Ram’s Lounge and back to Mugzee’s on a nightly basis.

You heard rumors of someone taking a dump in the Pugsley’s basement bathroom.

The local liquor store won’t even question an expired library card.

You never bothered to learn who was buried at the University Cemetery.

You took a class at Lincoln Center in the hopes of meeting a hot (female) freshman dancer

Watching the dance team, a.k.a. Ram Rhythm, is better than a lap dance

And finally, you’ve wasted countless hours reading TheFutureofAmerica.com